So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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