Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
