I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
His hands were made for my vagina.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
