I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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