there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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