dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
