Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
