if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
