Only a mothe r could love this liver
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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