he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
