I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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