3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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