I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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