you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
