I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
