glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I need to calm my uterus...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
