things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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