Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
