I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
