If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Is it because I queefed?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
