dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
