Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My cat gives me a boner
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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