I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
