Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
