we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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