Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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