I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
