I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
