His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Sext me about skeletons
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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