My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize