Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
