The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
