Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
