Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
