My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
