I accidentally had phone sex last night
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
