I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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