I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize