I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
