so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
