so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
