Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
