; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
