hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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