omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
