That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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