We're like a lot better than the average bears
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
