I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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