2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
