Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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