I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Randomize
