nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
