I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
