from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
