Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
