I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
