Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
