Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam ð
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
when your dumb AF ex âaccidentallyâ venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... âsorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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