this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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