If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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