I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
