I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
