I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
