We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
