I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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