I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
