so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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