Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I love you. Go after that dick
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
