oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
