i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
