32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Randomize
