Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
pray to the hookup gods
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
