It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
