Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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