Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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